more things i found in my computer that i wrote…

On August 8, 2010 in Musings and Made Ups, by koralee

reactions to this story are always all over the map. i’m okay with that.

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A few years ago my sister said to me:  I’m going to tell you something, and I want you to listen to all of what I have to say, and don’t get mad. Okay, I said, knowing it would probably be a doozy. You’re like Elizabeth Taylor, she said. (I’m sure I rolled my eyes, but I didn’t say anything.) You’re beautiful, you’re smart, you’re talented and you work very hard (Elizabeth Taylor supported her whole family, you know, she said). But every once in awhile, something happens that you don’t know how to take care of. And you stand there and say: ‘Oh, what will we do?’ And then some man comes along and takes care of it for you.

My immediate reaction to this was yes, to be angry at her, but after a few days of mulling over my life, I had to admit that it was true.  And contrary to what I have tried to project over the years, I am happiest when there is a man holding the space for me, making sure that I am safe, and then giving me the space to run free.

And I realize now this isn’t the job for my significant other, this is the job for any man in my life, even if you are not and never will be a candidate for romance. For example, if you want me to go to a bar, this is what you do: make sure I can dance, and then let me go. I’ll dance all night (as long as the music is good) and be perfectly happy. Just check in with me every once in awhile to make sure I’m safe. Now, if you are a romantic candidate, dance with me. I am a sucker for men who can really dance. I’ll never forget spending weekend after weekend out dancing during high school with the captain of the football team, because that boy could dance, and we always had a blast. Unfortunately, we couldn’t talk to each other. When we finally decided to call it quits, I cried. He said: Koralee, don’t cry. You don’t even like me that much’. And he was right, I didn’t. But I sure was going to miss dancing with him. Still do.

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